LVPO

50 Dean Street, London W1D 5BQ
Website

Hungry like the wolf? When we were young, my dears, when we were young.

In 90s London there was no finer place for us to go and get sweaty a faintly Roman environment than heading off to LVPO on Dean Street.

In the 90s…but now? Well, let’s just say that ten years of booze and dancing have wreaked their revenge on both our goodselves and on the conviencii (latin for conveniences) of LVPO. Perhaps it was because we are now so inconceivably ancient that  2 Perrys is enough to have us flying off stages onto tables but we were more than usually angry about the state of the bogusii (Latin for Bogs).

To list:-

1. Doors that don’t go down to the ceiling therby allowing for noise etc unpleasant
2. Not enough toiletus paper (Latin for toilet)
3. Broken lid of the shitteratu (Latin for shitter)
4. SCruffy decor
5. An attendant – an attendant!

Our verdict? LVPO est actus reus ad nauseam.

3/10

Lost Society

697 Wandsworth Road, London, SW8 3JF
Website

So we haven’t posted for a while – no it wasn’t because we hadn’t been out on various towns, obviously we have. It wasn’t because we couldn’t find anywhere worthy of a review, obviously we did. It’s because we couldn’t bothered. And so on to the latest loo review….

To succeed a venue has to have it’s finger on the latest style button – that’s obvious. Better still if it’s a bit ahead of the curve. Even better if the toilets reflect this too.

Welcome to Lost Society. No honestly. We’re not going to follow that with aa cheesy joke about how “You’re welcome to it” (a ha, a ha ha)…. We’ll save that for a review of some other convenience when we’re feeling more bitchy.

Lost Society is lovely and fin de siecle, it’s flowery and decadent, it’s all gloomy and shiny and baroque and flock wallpaper-ish. The toilets reflect that by being all cut glass heart mirrors and lush colours. Who can fail to feel good about a venue which uses mirrors that tell you that you’re loveable? The colours are vibrant and there is plenty of room to feel right at home in them. Levels of cleanliness were high and we were eating there so we were up and down the stairs all night to use the WCs – the standards were maintained throughout.

One feature of the toilets is that the doors to the ladies and mens are open – so you can see the urinals, gloriously placed against the deep red wall of the men’s toilets. To some that might be a reason to mark it down, but not for us, we’re just those kind of gals. And remarkably there were no nasty smells emanating! Even better.

So what is our verdict? Despite a genuine hope that we would be able to review the toilets by telling you that “Lost Society can get lost!” we have to instead use the following phrase:-

“Lose yourself in Lost Society”

8/10